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North Hills Monthly

Ignore No More App Has Everyone Paying Attention

Jan 30, 2015 04:08PM ● By Larry Richert

While I might not remember the exact date, I distinctly remember what happened that night, and I knew that things from then on would be different. I was trying to call my teenage daughter to check on her whereabouts, and instead of her answering, I got her voice message. In the blink of an eye, I heard the unfamiliar “ping” indicating that a text had been received on my new phone. As I fumbled to find it, I wondered what important message this must be. I read it, and my face went red.

“What do u want?” Emma.

I thought to myself, “Wait a minute—if she could text me, then she saw that I called and chose to ignore me.” I thought about it and got increasingly more upset. I was being ignored by the young person on the other end of the phone who I raised from infancy, on a cell phone that I paid for! After I finally reached her, I made it clear that she was to answer my calls or return the phone.

“You can ignore me when you are paying your bills,” I insisted. It was such a ‘Dad’ thing to say.

I have three children so I can’t point to just one. They’ve all done the same thing to me at some point. Since then, phones have gotten more sophisticated, with an almost infinite number of options that are all devised to occupy our time and attention. So with even more reasons to not answer their parents, and with first-graders walking around with PDAs (personal digital assistants) or cell phones, I present a solution for moms and dads everywhere—it’s called “Ignore No More” and it is a legitimate downloadable app for $5.99 that allows parents to shut down their kids’ phones with a simple tap of a button.

I can’t think of anything that would get more immediate results! I wish they’d had it when my kids were younger. This may be the biggest technological leap in parenting history! You now have a modicum of control in your life that you thought might be lost forever. Ignore No More removes the lame excuses that you will inevitably get for why they didn’t answer the call. Your call becomes a must-answer extension of your supervisory abilities—you’re in charge, you’re the boss, and you’re calling the shots now.

The website has a detailed series of frequently asked questions, and one that jumped out at me was what happens if your child attempts to remove the Ignore No More App. You’ll love this—you get a CHILD TAMPER ALERT and they are busted! Instead of being the dumb, out-of-it parent, you are now the talk of the town. They may not like you anymore, but their friends will know that you’re beyond ‘with it!’ You’re moving into CSI territory or James Bond’s world.

As I imagined seeing their faces the first time I hit them with the Ignore No More lock-down, I thought of some other opportunities to use this clever app. Then it hit me like a polar vortex—what if my wife got hold of this technology and loaded it on MY phone? No longer could I pretend that I didn’t see her calling.

She always asks me, knowing that my phone never leaves my person, “Why didn’t you answer my call?”
 “Oh I must have turned off my ringer,” I explain.
 “Sure, I know you blew me off,” she insists.
 “But I…” I interject.
 “Just wait,” she says.

Now I’m afraid that I know what she was waiting for. The Ignore No More app. Never mind, let’s ignore that I ever wrote this column.